Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sick again...

I think one of the greatest lessons I have learned over the last year+ is that I'm not in control. There are times in my day that I have the sense of having things under control, only to then be quickly reminded that I'm not in charge...and it is better that way. I am in the midst of one of those moments. Here is what I mean...Tuesday: "I can totally handle this kid, I have my routine figured out, he's pretty happy, plays by himself, I am merrily wrapping Christmas presents as he WALKS (more on that later) around the house. Wednesday: 103 fever, up 2x/night, house a wreck, haven't showered since ?. It's amazing how things can change in a day...or do they really change?

If I'm honest with myself, nothing changed from Tuesday to Wednesday except my perspective. I can't make James be healthy, I can't make him nap, I can't make him love Jesus. It is a reminder, as every day should be, that it is by God's grace that he is healthy and it will be by God's grace that James is His. I would love to map out my life and tie it in a pretty little bow. But what I would be missing is the freedom to let go; to trust God with each day/week/year; to be wise but not have a false sense of running the show.

Why does it always take a few tears and a little lack of sleep for me to realize this?! Okay, I'm over my word quota for the post, so I'll end with a picture

He is now back to his usual tricks, and the back up babysitter is on her way to help me make up some work hours tomorrow. Thanks Nana!