great ECHO report

We are so thankful and really amazed...the ECHO showed no pulmonary valve stenosis in his heart. As a friend reminded me when I said it was too good to be true, God is able to work miracles even in this tiny baby. We will monitor the pulmonary valve over the upcoming weeks and months but as of now, it is looking like they will not have to do anything to his heart.

So, Thomas is getting held for an hour and a half each morning by his mom. He continues to have an increase in feedings (through a tube, not from a bottle yet). His oxygen levels are holding steady. He continues to struggle to gain weight. As of today, he was 2 pounds 9 ounces.

Please continue to pray for progress for him. We are so grateful that he is stable and moving in the right direction. I know the road ahead is long. Pray for our little family as we are spread pretty thin between the NICU and home. I never feel fully present in either place.

I'll post pictures tomorrow. Thank you for praying for us, for loving us. We are clinging to His promises for each of our boys and for us. Thankful Thomas is in the hands of his loving Heavenly Father.

Update on Thomas

Here is a quick update on Thomas:
- he's a week old today
- he has started gaining weight back after losing weight most of the week. Still not back to birth weight
- his lines in his belly button were removed today so I was able to hold him for an hour today!
- he was never on the vent but is getting oxygen. They have been turning down how much he gets, and he has tolerated this well.
-He is up to 11cc per feeding (as of this morning)
- He had an ECHO of his heart this morning but we have not heard from the cardiologist.

 This is before his belly button lines were taken out.

Again, this was yesterday, before I could hold him.

I'll try to take better pictures tomorrow morning.

Thomas Clark Byrd

Last Sunday, Isaac and I enjoyed a quiet house as the boys were in Tupelo with their cousins. We read, lounged and enjoyed time together, even on bed rest. Around 7:30 PM, the house was quiet and they boys were asleep. I had another bleed and we called in the troops to stay with the boys while we went to the hospital...again. The doctors thought my irritable uterus might be causing the bleed and they decided to put me back on the magnesium. I took this like a death sentence...it was too fresh in my mind. So again, I battled "mag," as it is lovingly referred. The flu like symptoms, being bed ridden, the IVs, no food, etc. Isaac held my hand, read to me and talked me off the ledge many times. By Monday afternoon, neither of us had slept, showered or relaxed in almost 24 hours. Isaac was preparing to go home for a shower and to feed the dog when my contractions picked up (from 2 an hour to every 3-5 minutes) and I had a large, scary bleed. 30 minutes later I was being poked and prodded for THREE IV lines. A slew of doctors and nurses were prepping me for surgery. I was freaking out yet again, and Isaac was talking me off the ledge. Around 5 PM we were in the OR. There were at least 15 people present. Thomas Clark was born weighing almost 3 pounds at 28 weeks, 4 days. He squealed (not cried). I saw a blur of his blonde hair as he was wheeled to the NICU. Then Isaac and I waited and waited for my surgery to be completed. After 2 grueling hours, he was asked to leave to they could put me to sleep. The next thing I know, I wake up in the ICU. They tell me I had placenta accreta, a hysterectomy was completed, and I lost a lot of blood. I hurt all over. Apparently my face looked like a tomato (thankfully I didn't see this). And I began what has seemed like a slow recovery. I learned later that there was a group of friends, siblings, family in the lobby praying for me and for my baby boy during my surgery. I still don't know who was there but thank you. The week since that is a blur of headaches, recovery, and yet in the midst of that sweet time with my siblings, parents. Food and drinks have appeared out of nowhere. My boys have had a blast with cousins and grandparents...they are tired and out of sorts but happy. Thomas is stable and we are so thankful for that. Another post to follow about him. Thank you for praying...for feeding us, for checking on us, for loving us. We are weary in every way yet so thankful.

so thankful to be home

It's amazing what perspective you gain after spending over a week in the hospital. Bed rest at home is not easy, but it is a vast improvement over bed rest at the hospital. Mentally and emotionally I am so much more stable...I see my kids every morning and evening, I sleep in my own bed, I can look out my window and even venture outside to my lounge chair, the sound on my tv doesn't come from a remote control, I can take a long hot bath, I see my husband every day, I can read to my kids before bed and kiss them every morning. I realize that in the blink of an eye, I can and may be sent back to the hospital, so I am trying to count every day at home as a gift. I spend a lot of time obsessing over numbers (such as today is 42 days until 34 weeks and 56 days until 36 weeks). But, every day is a day closer to normal life (or at least normal life with a new baby).

So, what does one do with a day full of nothing: I've read 2 Harry Potter books and watched the first movie, I have watercolored (too bad to show you), I've crafted some Christmas ornaments (everyone will get one for Christmas), I've updated my address book, I've watched some less than edifying Netflix, I have an adult coloring book (thank you Jackie), I'm trying my hand at embroidery, I write thank you notes, I watch the news (although local news is very depressing), I listen to podcasts, I try to play with my kids from a horizontal position (which is a bit challenging).

There is an army of people who are feeding us, taking our kids to bowl, packing lunches, cleaning our house, washing clothes, and keeping me entertained! They are being the hands and feet of Jesus to our family-it is humbling but so good for us to lean on others. So, thank you!!

Magnatiles have been a big hit with James and we can build them from a lounging position

This is what you bed/bedside table look like when you are on bed rest: medicine, vitamins, sound machine, books, crafts, toys, water bottle...anything and everything within arm's reach. Not exactly the peaceful oasis but it works!

Here is the gift that you will all be getting for Christmas...and yes, it looks like a 2nd grader did it. I won't tell you how long it took me. Craftiness is not my gift.

Christ Methodist daycare has come to the rescue for William, letting him enroll mid year. He seems to love Ms. Tracey and is happy to go every day.

BEST news ever!

Yesterday started like any other day on hospital bed rest. They took my vitals, listened to the baby's heartbeat, gave me my line up of pills. One of the nurse practitioners from my high risk doctor's office stopped by and said she was going to ask the doctor about sending me home. She came back a few minutes later and said "sorry, he said he's too nervous about that placenta." Shockingly, I didn't cry, I was totally prepared for this since I'd been assured that I was there for the duration. I even made a paper chain (and it was really really long) counting down the days. My mom stopped by on her way out of town. My sister came in with crafting supplies, food and good company. Around 1:00, my "conservative" high risk doctor popped his head in and said "so, I'm sending you home." I was silent, thinking this was the meanest, most cruel practical joke EVER. But, he was serious. So 2 hours later, we packed up ALL of my junk, took the kid art off of the wall and we were headed home. I felt like it was a jail break and that they were going to come chasing after me at any moment.

So, last night James picked coming home to see me over soccer practice (which made me so happy) and we had dinner together as a family for the first time in almost 10 days. I read them books before bed, kissed them good night. We went to bed and woke up under the same roof. Isaac and I have had more than a 10 minute in passing conversation. I took a bath and slept in my own bed. Things are looking up today!

I'm trying to take every day home as a gift and an unexpected mercy, as I know another bleed is possible/likely and will mean no hope of going home until baby boy arrives. In the mean time, I'm enjoying the sound of chaos and little feet. We have a long way to go. But, it is good to be reminded that I am powerless, not in control. I can't make the days go faster, I can't take care of my kids, I can't stop bleeding or contractions, I can't make this baby or his heart develop...but my Father can. I'm reading the Psalms backwards as a countdown to 36 weeks (which is a lofty goal). Yesterday's was Psalm 63

Earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you. My mouth will praise you with joyful lips...when I remember you upon my bed (kind of funny, right), and meditate on you in the watches of the night for you have been my help and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you, your right hand holds me.

the boys are back in town

William and James made their debut on the antepartum floor today. Thanks to my mother who drove them from Louisville to Memphis and straight to the hospital. Biggest attraction was the movable bed and the cabinets.

James decorated my room and jumped on the couch.

Thank you to dear friends who stocked me up on toys and crafts...the boys were well entertained. I fed them treats and sent them home sugared up. I have missed them so much and am sad that I can't tuck them in and wake up with them tomorrow. It's amazing how quickly the things that are mundane and a "hassle" can become the things you long for the most.

Grateful for hugs, sticky kisses (note the melted ice cream on William's shirt) and a little excitement.

MRI results

Late Monday night they did an MRI to determine if the placenta is attached to and/or growing outside of the uterine wall (it's called placenta accreta). So, yesterday I anxiously awaited the results and passed the time with various time killers (tv shows, podcasts, TED Talks, reading, and even trying my hand at calligraphy). The high risk doctor came in early last night and said that it doesn't show signs of growing outside of the uterus but it is "bulging" and they can't rule out that it's attached. So, while I am very thankful that I don't definitely have placeta accreta there is still a lot of unknown, which is hard for control freaks like me.

So, what's the plan? Take it day by day and week by week. There was a glimmer of hope that I might be able to go home if I don't have another bleed but it was only a glimmer. So, I'm trying to mentally prepare for 50 days here- that takes us to 34 weeks. So, any reading lists, computer tasks, tv shows, craft projects that can be done from bed...send them my way.

The boys come back to Memphis today and are coming to visit this afternoon. Please pray for me to not be an emotional wreck when they arrive and pray for them as they adjust to their new "normal."

If you need me, I'm in room 408 at Methodist Germantown. Come visit!