Saturday, September 26, 2015

BEST news ever!

Yesterday started like any other day on hospital bed rest. They took my vitals, listened to the baby's heartbeat, gave me my line up of pills. One of the nurse practitioners from my high risk doctor's office stopped by and said she was going to ask the doctor about sending me home. She came back a few minutes later and said "sorry, he said he's too nervous about that placenta." Shockingly, I didn't cry, I was totally prepared for this since I'd been assured that I was there for the duration. I even made a paper chain (and it was really really long) counting down the days. My mom stopped by on her way out of town. My sister came in with crafting supplies, food and good company. Around 1:00, my "conservative" high risk doctor popped his head in and said "so, I'm sending you home." I was silent, thinking this was the meanest, most cruel practical joke EVER. But, he was serious. So 2 hours later, we packed up ALL of my junk, took the kid art off of the wall and we were headed home. I felt like it was a jail break and that they were going to come chasing after me at any moment.

So, last night James picked coming home to see me over soccer practice (which made me so happy) and we had dinner together as a family for the first time in almost 10 days. I read them books before bed, kissed them good night. We went to bed and woke up under the same roof. Isaac and I have had more than a 10 minute in passing conversation. I took a bath and slept in my own bed. Things are looking up today!

I'm trying to take every day home as a gift and an unexpected mercy, as I know another bleed is possible/likely and will mean no hope of going home until baby boy arrives. In the mean time, I'm enjoying the sound of chaos and little feet. We have a long way to go. But, it is good to be reminded that I am powerless, not in control. I can't make the days go faster, I can't take care of my kids, I can't stop bleeding or contractions, I can't make this baby or his heart develop...but my Father can. I'm reading the Psalms backwards as a countdown to 36 weeks (which is a lofty goal). Yesterday's was Psalm 63

Earnestly I seek you. My soul thirsts for you. My mouth will praise you with joyful lips...when I remember you upon my bed (kind of funny, right), and meditate on you in the watches of the night for you have been my help and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to you, your right hand holds me.

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

the boys are back in town

William and James made their debut on the antepartum floor today. Thanks to my mother who drove them from Louisville to Memphis and straight to the hospital. Biggest attraction was the movable bed and the cabinets.

James decorated my room and jumped on the couch.

Thank you to dear friends who stocked me up on toys and crafts...the boys were well entertained. I fed them treats and sent them home sugared up. I have missed them so much and am sad that I can't tuck them in and wake up with them tomorrow. It's amazing how quickly the things that are mundane and a "hassle" can become the things you long for the most.

Grateful for hugs, sticky kisses (note the melted ice cream on William's shirt) and a little excitement.

MRI results

Late Monday night they did an MRI to determine if the placenta is attached to and/or growing outside of the uterine wall (it's called placenta accreta). So, yesterday I anxiously awaited the results and passed the time with various time killers (tv shows, podcasts, TED Talks, reading, and even trying my hand at calligraphy). The high risk doctor came in early last night and said that it doesn't show signs of growing outside of the uterus but it is "bulging" and they can't rule out that it's attached. So, while I am very thankful that I don't definitely have placeta accreta there is still a lot of unknown, which is hard for control freaks like me.

So, what's the plan? Take it day by day and week by week. There was a glimmer of hope that I might be able to go home if I don't have another bleed but it was only a glimmer. So, I'm trying to mentally prepare for 50 days here- that takes us to 34 weeks. So, any reading lists, computer tasks, tv shows, craft projects that can be done from bed...send them my way.

The boys come back to Memphis today and are coming to visit this afternoon. Please pray for me to not be an emotional wreck when they arrive and pray for them as they adjust to their new "normal."

If you need me, I'm in room 408 at Methodist Germantown. Come visit!

Monday, September 21, 2015

here we go again

As you can tell from scrolling through the archives, this blog has very intermittent activity. But, for the next few weeks, it should be back in action and here is why...
I found myself having a bit of dejavu Thursday as I quickly drove to Methodist Germantown and told Isaac to meet me there. I was admitted for bleeding and other pregnancy complications. It was all too familiar, almost exactly 5 years ago I was admitted for different complications during my pregnancy with James (see the last post). This time at only 26 weeks we had the same scary conversations with doctors about extreme preemies, NICU, and feared another very early delivery. After 3+ days of steroid shots, magnesium, countless needle sticks, and sleepless days and nights- things have slow down and stabilized. I was told that due to my placenta previa and its risks, I should settle in for the long haul...until delivery. So yesterday, Isaac stocked my mini-fridge, we began sorting out childcare, and I began to realize what this means for me and my family. So, I'm trying to find ways to occupy my time, my brian and my emotions. I'm letting go of what I thought I had control over (my kids, my schedule, my family's life) and I will learn to wait and to trust in new ways, to lean heavily on the community around us and to rest in my Father's love for me, this baby and my family. So here is where I will sit and wait...come visit me any time...I'll be here.